Spot The Difference

I have come to realize, the more I mature and experience life, that for all my youthful optimism and confidence, I have yet to decipher women. There have been times when I was sure I had, but it was never permanent. Before long, some woman came by and threw a wrench in my devious scheme to decode their language and get to the bottom of what makes them tick and think the way they do.

This is not a bad thing though and men today need to grasp this simple fact. It is simply not meant to be. Women, men and the sheer complexity of our differences; well, it is perfectly acceptable, if not normal. We just have to learn to accept it is all. Hell, even embrace it.

Is this even possible? Can men, in our stubborn refusal to put up with the facets of the female character that flummox us, suck them up and deal? I say yes and by inference, I think the opposite as well. It is in the interests of both sexes to gain tacit appreciation, if not approval, for the traits that make them male or female. These traits are inbred, and although I believe we can control our actions as human beings, there are more powerful forces at work that drive us to behave the way we do.

WAR OF THE SEXES

Men and women are different. Big revelation there. And in order to preserve our sanity, we should stop trying to agree and please each other all the time. Let us admit freely, once and for all -- and without fear of reprisal -- that we do not see eye to eye on certain key points.

If men and women were blunt about their contradictory views on the following topics, the world would be a more pleasurable place to have a relationship.

COMMITMENT

The disparity in opinion between the sexes is huge. We both make concessions and overcome doubts when we choose a mate, but men have more trouble with the concept of commitment.

Is it because we have a biological and primordial need to sow our seeds and procreate? The jury is out on that one and to me, it sounds like an excuse. Have we not evolved to the point where we can accept and embrace monogamy? Sure, and for the most part, men do. But for so many of us, commitment is a mental struggle. Comedian Chris Rock said it best: "Men don't commit. We surrender." We have constant reservations about commitment (not that woman isn’t). Popular culture, the media and society in general glamorizes players and more than ever, applauds actors, athletes and artists who bury their bones in more than one backyard.

The backward belief that men have to conquer women like Genghis Khan is prevalent. I turn on the television now and all I see are reality shows, music videos and mainstream programs that glorify the pimp. On the one hand, I love all the gratuitous nudity, but I wonder: Who are our role models? Dad? Dad had a woman in every town!

How can men commit with so much temptation around them? Our culture is more liberal and sexual than ever before (no protests here, but I see commercials now that insinuate lesbian and group sex) and while I am not so naïve to think it only affects the ability of men to commit, I do believe that women, given the opportunity, will welcome commitment and marriage more readily.

Men will always have a tendency to wonder from time to time if the grass is greener on the other side.

SEX

Women like to "make love." They like the sensation the phrase evokes. It arouses their passion and desire. They want us to "make love" to them. The question for men is what is the distinction here? We have sex, we (insert expletive here), but do we make love?

Sure, there are times when the act turns out to be more emotional than sexual. I can testify to that. But the majority of the time, it is not love that drives us to get it on. It is lust. Pure, carnal lust and I posit that the end result for the average woman is much more explosive if we focus on lust and not love, or perhaps a combination of both.

One woman's take on sex, and the area where men and women are most different..

One female I speak to about these matters made a frank confession. "I say 'make love to me' all the time and my husband responds in kind because I need to hear it. But then when we start to 'make love' it evolves into pure (insert expletive and synonym for rough sex). I think I say 'make love' and want him to say it because it helps put me in the mood. Once I get horny, all I want to do is (expletive)."

I think most women in happy relationships feel the same way. This is fine with men, as long as we can agree that our outlook on sex is not the same. Why dispute nature? When we cooperate, the outcome is pretty sweet, right?

Most men do cuddle, spoon and engage in pillow talk with their partners (casual sex partners are another matter). We need affection too. But when it comes to the act of sex alone, why should women be alarmed if we have a problem associating love with it?

We know it's nothing personal; sex is sex -- love is love. Men shouldn't be forced to combine them. When we're in the mood to "make love," we will. When all is said and done, everyone's happy and satisfied.

COMMUNICATION

Communication by far, is the area where men and women are most dissimilar. Men think in terms of black and white. It is either one thing or another -- there is no in between. Answers are never complex for a man. If, for example, your woman has a problem, the solution is simple, or at least so you think. All you want to do is find resolutions to problems. Men are about results.
Women, on the other had, do not necessarily want solutions. They want to talk it out. They want to express how they feel. No matter how obvious the answer, they want us to listen, empathize and offer feedback. But men just want to solve stuff and move on: to the game, to dinner, to sex, or to the next problem. This is always a source of contention in couples.

Observe:
Female: You're just nodding your head to shut me up. You're not listening. You hear, but you don't listen! Sometimes I think you don't care at all.
Male: You're totally overreacting. Stop taking everything so personally. My intentions are good. I'm trying to offer constructive advice here.
Female: I don't need advice. I need to be listened to by someone who supposedly loves me.
Sounds familiar? Who's right here?
Well, neither really. It's not even about right and wrong, which is a problem guys have with their significant others. Our pride compels us to try to "win" arguments instead of resolve them.
The point here is that men want to help their partners with what we deem to be constructive advice, while women just want an ear and a shoulder. We should shift our focus on their needs and they should appreciate that as men, our instinct is to rush to her aid and make it all better.

AGREE TO DISAGREE

That should be a comforting thought to women out there, don't you think, guys? Men just want to make everything better. Sometimes it's so our girlfriends and wives will just shut up already, but most of us good guys out there want to be our woman's hero and make her happy.

Now can't we all just get along? Vive les differences!

By Lawrence Mitchell
Relationship Corresponden / The Difference Between Men And Women