On My Mind - I Love To Love

Someday my prince will come. He’ll come into my life (that is, if he still hasn’t yet) and sweep me off my feet.

In a sea of angsty Avril and melancholic Sarah Mac, fans, I still swoon over love songs with predictable melodies and sating (read: nakakasuka) love-conquers-all themes. I get kilig over mushy chick flick lies and romantic novels, and have pretended to be the bida in one too many romantic comedies. I choose to join bandwagon of believers rather than the throng of bitter cynics who loath love, see Cupid as a little demon, and are disgusted by mush.

Not that I haven’t wavered before. I’ve seen hearts get broken and fools settle for far-from-healthy relationships. I’ve even experienced heartbreak myself. And just like the sad love songs put it, it wasn’t fun at all. No happy pill worked, no hospital admitted the dying-from-a-broken-heart patient, not even a gallon of Haagen Dazs strawberry ice cream helped. After buckets of tears cried over “The One Who Didn’t Seem To Notice,” “The One Who Went Away,” and “The One Who Took Me For Granted,” I felt like giving up and bidding my love dreams goodbye.

I found out, however, that every time I got back on my feet and was happily solo, or after each time I mended my heart, or following every improved relationship dynamic, love still promised so much despite, in spite of, and precisely because of the nitty-gritty details that initially make it unbearable.

Despite.. I’ve had my share of dateless nights, silent phone lines, and empty cell phone inboxes. I’ve played third, fifth, and seventh wheel to gooey-eyed couples holding hands under the table. And just like you probably have, I’ve endured nosy titas’ “Ba’t wala ka pang boyfriend?” hirits. I’ve hugged my pillow tightly, whispered sweet nothings to it, kissed it good night. And despite the lack of a lover, I still find so much reason to revere romance.

There’s something enchanting about love, even during no-boyfriend days. Without a face on your Prince Charming and with a yet-to-be-defined passion set-up, sky’s the limit to your fantasies. You have license to dream about The One—from Brad Pitt to the boy next door—and own him your imagination. You can gawk at happy couples, be inspired by their OA love spiels, and practice for the ones that are yet to come for you. Love can still be grand even if you don’t have it. Being bitter that you don’t only drives it further away.

In spite of.. It’s so true: The more you love, the more you hate—and hurt. And with the lambing, hugs and kisses that any relationship brings, come raised voices, tears, and pains. The sparks of romance can fuel fires, butterflies in the stomach can one day make it churn, and wobbly knees can turn into cold shoulders. There are racked-up cell phone bills, month-saries blocked off on your calendar, dents in your bank account, events you can’t wiggle your way out of (office parties, barkada gimiks, family functions where you’re sure to be grilled). Not to forget suddenly severed heart--- and hearts, those are broken little by little every day. Love reality bites—and it bites hard.

I’ve had those moments, my eyes swollen in post-bawl trauma; seen and heard things I shouldn’t have, been disgustedly affected by petty things, and have had pick up the fragments of my fragile heart off the floor. But in spite of the disasters of devotion, I still choose to love–any day.

It’s during such heated times that you see so much of what you actually have: behind the cries of affection, streaks of jealousy, and overprotective tendencies of a lover, you find that desperate need to be cherished and reassured. Nothing can beat the magic of making up and the challenge of making everything better—either for the both of you or for your solo self. More importantly, it’s also during these brawls when you have the opportunity to choose to stick out or move on to dream of—and live out even greater love stories.

Because of.. Why do I love to love? Let me count the ways: morning, noon, and night text tabs, tender kisses, passionate hugs, HHWWMPSSP (holding hands while walking, may pa-sway-sway pa), caring and carnal compliments, meaningful glances, knowing silences. The joys of seeing you turn into the princess that you deserve to be. Of all the perks of passion, what I love most are the dreams it provides for the loveless, the reality it offers to those who have it, and the challenges it poses to those who want to make it work.

Yes, someday my prince will come. And we’ll live happily ever after.