I woke up first light and stumbled on. Last night was just another fantasy night; a castle in the sky delimited by gloomy, bleak billows.
‘Putangina!’ "That’s my usual remark first thing in the morning.” He said. We'd always brawl over, on him being constantly pessimistic. He considers his soul as a one-big-joke kind of existence. I dredged up telling him once to change his cock-crow practice. That he must welcome the break of day with a bright beam and an optimistic sentiment. I take a crack to at least encourage and sway him to the same direction I head on. I always endeavor to be so positive about life, at all times hopeful to whatever the future holds for me. I believe it’s the only way to make progress and get things better for one who reckons that his existence’ not worthy in any way.
I have always known myself for being in control, and at all times on top of things. But I consistently am not up to snuff (weak) when it comes to dealing with him. Surely it has something to do with affection. It is still here. It hasn’t changed much, more so; I don’t even think it’ll dwindle almost immediately.
Old habits (or feelings) die hard.
I went through a difficult, testing phase just to mend and put everything back together. It was hard-hitting; nevertheless I’d say it’s all worth it. The serenity and the contentment I have long prayed for were handed to me slowly like a dream. Pero bakit ganon? Nandito na naman… binabalik na naman lahat sa akin. Whatever happened to my hegemony and self-control? I thought I have vowed to keep myself guarded from hurt and despondency? Mahihirapan na naman ba ako? Pucha, iiyak na naman?
‘Putangina!’ "That’s my usual remark first thing in the morning.” He said. We'd always brawl over, on him being constantly pessimistic. He considers his soul as a one-big-joke kind of existence. I dredged up telling him once to change his cock-crow practice. That he must welcome the break of day with a bright beam and an optimistic sentiment. I take a crack to at least encourage and sway him to the same direction I head on. I always endeavor to be so positive about life, at all times hopeful to whatever the future holds for me. I believe it’s the only way to make progress and get things better for one who reckons that his existence’ not worthy in any way.
I have always known myself for being in control, and at all times on top of things. But I consistently am not up to snuff (weak) when it comes to dealing with him. Surely it has something to do with affection. It is still here. It hasn’t changed much, more so; I don’t even think it’ll dwindle almost immediately.
Old habits (or feelings) die hard.
I went through a difficult, testing phase just to mend and put everything back together. It was hard-hitting; nevertheless I’d say it’s all worth it. The serenity and the contentment I have long prayed for were handed to me slowly like a dream. Pero bakit ganon? Nandito na naman… binabalik na naman lahat sa akin. Whatever happened to my hegemony and self-control? I thought I have vowed to keep myself guarded from hurt and despondency? Mahihirapan na naman ba ako? Pucha, iiyak na naman?
At one point in the past, I thought we were sharing something special. Until it was smacked into my face I solely imagined chimera. All the while, I was traveling to the dreamland on my own, single-handed. I never had seen in my mind’s eye to go back. Not again, ever.
This time it’ll be all different? I don’t know… Who knows? Doesn't look so promising to me.
This morning when I stirred up, I sang a few and far between tune. I opened my eyes, sighed, and with a low voice I said to myself…
…”Putangina!”
1 comment:
hey...what's this all about? why the cursing...tanginang buhay talaga no? imberna!!! cape tayo girl..atleast pag magka chicahan tayo..nawawala kahit pano ang mga kaputang-inahan sa buhay natin..even for awhile.. :)
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