“42 days to go before Christmas.” That’s what I saw in the Saturday newspaper this morning. I wasn’t really thinking about Christmas though; it’s the week before Christmas day’s what I actually thought of.
As early as this week, most of my friends sent text messages to remind me of my birthday. “hey, lapit na December, birthday mo na!”, “girl, lapit na xmas… lapit na birthday mo!” , “hoy! Malapit na birthday natin! San tayo?” I was moved, sincerely. It’s as if December’s not the holiday season for them, it’s my birthday! Without them reminding me, I may have forgotten. Oh shoot! I’ll be what? 26! I’ll be 26, December when? They didn’t have to remind me, I wish!
Age 26 and yet I’m into some indeterminate state. Am I not supposed to be certain of what I want at this point? Yeah sure, I know what I want. I want to have my own sweet and relaxing home, a car, a lucrative career, a big and I mean really huge amount of savings... all superficial. Most of the time, ruminating is a tough task. What is it really that I want? It’s hard because in the well-hidden piece of my mind, I know I can’t have it. It is but only in my dreams that I can truly take hold of it. I set myself to “I’m not sure of what I want to do with my life”, because I am timorous of failing. I am scared of not getting what I actually, really wanted to pull off. There are a lot of other reasons and it’s positive that I will never run out of it.
Everyone’s so enthusiastic of reminding me of my supposed special day, yet it scares me shitless. This is a heartrending moment for me… You can’t even envisage. Now, I’m not even confident if I am correct on what date my birthday is.
Another year will pass by me, another meaningless circle. Will the new phase be different from the last 25 years? With that, I am not sure.
I guess for now I better muse on what’s really with December… its “42 days to go before Christmas.”
2 comments:
Well...aside from wishing you Merry Christmas...or Happy Birthday...from a friend to a friend...let me wish you..."Happiness"...in life, career, lovelife, heck! even sex life!...If there's one person who deserves all of these "Happiness"...it's you...that and more...I wish that I'm your genie in a bottle so I can grant you all the wishes that you have in your heart but unfortunately...I'm just your friend but nevertheless, I'm always here for you...I know what pains you now...but I also know that in time, you'll pass through this. You're hurting...again, time will heal you...wounds and all...you're confused...things will get better..you just have to take one day at a time for the confusions to clear out...I'm here...I'll hold your hand...ready to take the next step with you.
I know it's not as easy as we think it is...but it'll be harder if you walk through this alone...Smile...as the song goes.."there's a rainbow always after the rain"...
gheez! thank you dear. :_(
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