Your guy totally adores you. The signs are all there: He’s finally overcome his allergy to PDAs, he calls on the regular just to check in, and hell, maybe he even keeps a toothbrush at your place. But although the relationship seems rock solid on paper, there’s still a part of you—albeit a small one—that feels, well, nervous. Like the connection might combust at any moment. Yeah, it’s irrational, but we’ve all been there. So before you let your insecurities mess with your relationship, not to mention push your beau to the brink, read this wake-up call.
His eye wanders sometimes—
I bet he's looking for a girlfriend upgrade. A hot chick walks by, and your boyfriend’s eyeballs make a beeline for her booty. Blame it on biology. Men are hardwired to look. And it’s not just your guy who goes buggy over some random beauty; it’s all guys, so your only real choice is to accept it. But ease your mind with this: Just because he looks, it doesn’t mean he wants to touch. “There’s an element of detachment when a man is checking out an anonymous woman,” says clinical psychologist Deirdre Kanakis, PhD, relationship coach at Marriage for Keeps, in Newport Beach, California. He sees a nice butt, but that’s all it is, an appealing body part. He’s not trying to make an emotional connection-it’s purely a visual response.
My last relationship bombed, so this one probably will, too.—
You’ve had a few gnarly breakups. Who hasn’t? But being convinced that you’re destined for a subsequent split is really the only thing sealing your fate. You have to shake off the psychological curse by owning some of the blame. “Recognize that whenever there’s a series of failed relationships, the only thing that’s consistent is you, so you ought to make a few changes.” Sounds harsh, but taking responsibility for the unraveling puts you in control, which is downright empowering. So start sifting through the romantic wreckage. Take stock of why past relationships ended, and assess the role you played in the demise. Then acknowledge any patterns.
I'm just not the perfect girlfriend that he wants.—
You know who’s kinda perfect? That Bree Van De Kamp chick on Desperate Housewives with the pre-prison Martha Stewart vibe. Her guy loves her gourmet meals, flawless hair flip, and pathological dedication to keeping up appearances so much that he filed for divorce. The truth is, perfectionism is intimidating because it makes men feel as if they’ll never be good enough for you. Of course, there’s no denying the pressure to be flawless. Thankfully, your guy’s perception of perfection is probably much different than yours. Moral of the story: Most guys don’t want to feel as if they’re sleeping with a show pony, so stop feeling angst over the impossible.
His eye wanders sometimes—
I bet he's looking for a girlfriend upgrade. A hot chick walks by, and your boyfriend’s eyeballs make a beeline for her booty. Blame it on biology. Men are hardwired to look. And it’s not just your guy who goes buggy over some random beauty; it’s all guys, so your only real choice is to accept it. But ease your mind with this: Just because he looks, it doesn’t mean he wants to touch. “There’s an element of detachment when a man is checking out an anonymous woman,” says clinical psychologist Deirdre Kanakis, PhD, relationship coach at Marriage for Keeps, in Newport Beach, California. He sees a nice butt, but that’s all it is, an appealing body part. He’s not trying to make an emotional connection-it’s purely a visual response.
My last relationship bombed, so this one probably will, too.—
You’ve had a few gnarly breakups. Who hasn’t? But being convinced that you’re destined for a subsequent split is really the only thing sealing your fate. You have to shake off the psychological curse by owning some of the blame. “Recognize that whenever there’s a series of failed relationships, the only thing that’s consistent is you, so you ought to make a few changes.” Sounds harsh, but taking responsibility for the unraveling puts you in control, which is downright empowering. So start sifting through the romantic wreckage. Take stock of why past relationships ended, and assess the role you played in the demise. Then acknowledge any patterns.
I'm just not the perfect girlfriend that he wants.—
You know who’s kinda perfect? That Bree Van De Kamp chick on Desperate Housewives with the pre-prison Martha Stewart vibe. Her guy loves her gourmet meals, flawless hair flip, and pathological dedication to keeping up appearances so much that he filed for divorce. The truth is, perfectionism is intimidating because it makes men feel as if they’ll never be good enough for you. Of course, there’s no denying the pressure to be flawless. Thankfully, your guy’s perception of perfection is probably much different than yours. Moral of the story: Most guys don’t want to feel as if they’re sleeping with a show pony, so stop feeling angst over the impossible.
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